The Covenant of Right Relations (CRR) is the heart of how we do healthy community. Because it is a living document, it was time to revisit our CRR and see how the congregation felt about it.
We had an amazing day on January 7 both online and in person after Reverend Linda’s lovely sermon on the CRR.
During coffee hour, people moved from table to table and commented on each section of the covenant. (Compassion, Curiosity, Reverence, Respect). There was also a Zoom Room for online folks. Participants were asked to share thoughts about our CRR with facilitators listening deeply. There were deep, heartfelt conversations about the CRR and its place in our lives. The comments that we collected were wonderful. This blog is intended to share what we found, respond to questions asked, and look at where we go from here.
The vast majority of us believe the CRR is important and agree with most of it. We believe that RESPECT is paramount and that the need for DEEP LISTENING comes quickly behind that. Many comments indicated the CRR is UNEVENLY APPLIED, unfortunately. HUMILITY came up many times, too. A dozen comments pertained to specific issues with the CRR. People also asked for opportunities to learn or practice using the CRR. You can see the complete spreadsheet of comments and how we tallied everything here.
So where do we go from here? It’s important to acknowledge that we all make mistakes, and will fail at times. But beginning again in love is our great strength and our secret weapon. What we have seen is people coming forward with their concerns, their fears, and their hurts. We hope to sincerely open hearts, build bridges where possible, agree to disagree where necessary, and to begin again in love.
Members have been moving towards healthier conversations for a while now. The cottage meetings were very regimented. Later, the conversation cafés were a little looser and had more interaction. On January 7 we had a full on conversations among members. People are ready to move forward together and we are so excited about that. It is our intention this year to be brave, and to trust in the hearts of our members, and to begin again in love.
Stay tuned for our next steps! We plan to:
- Work to incorporate the suggestions made on January 7 into the CRR.
- Create opportunities for congregants to practice navigating disagreements using kindness, reflective listening, and the use of “I” statements.
- Plan practice sessions for disagreeing within covenant
- Remain a neutral party facilitating increasingly healthy conversations.
As we move forward together, please consider that as travelers, we are very like boats on the sea, sharing the water, and as “captains” we are responsible not only for the actions of our boat, but also for its wake. We should all be aware that we have a ripple effect, and leave a wake behind us in every interaction.
Our hope is that by facilitating healthier conversations across the congregation, and by letting those healthy conversations ripple across the community, we will create the kind of transformation we are all seeking, moving together into a future community that exceeds all of our expectations.
Thank you Hilary and all on HCT. I know a lot of thought went into planning this fun, creative and constructive way for us to talk. I agree with Laurie — I also don’t think that “pointing fingers” reveals a helpful (humble or collaborative) frame of mind (actually, even if it is at ourselves). For me, our Covenant has to do with how we want to BE together in a healthy, caring community (all those words being important). Our UU religiously liberal community is based on covenant, and on principles, values, growth and learning (living tradition) not creed or doctrines.
I do hope that people will begin to understand that the Right Relations Covenant doesn’t exist so we can point fingers at other people and say, “Yeah, THEY should do that.” It exists so we can point at ourselves and say, “Yes, I should do that.”
Deep thanks to Hilary & the whole of HCT. Your work (planning, events, feedback, future plans) helps me understand where we are & what is coming. That gives me hope for more healing & a more open heart to love & keep moving forward.