Many years ago, my then wife and I left southeastern Ohio for northern California. Enough with the conservatism and humid summers.

So, we sold everything but two guitars and two Army duffle bags, and hopped on a Greyhound to San Francisco…just in time for the San Francisco Gay Pride Parade. We’d known a few friends who identified as lesbians, gay men and bisexual persons, but none who identified as trans. Even the realty was foreign to us. We were straight people from a straight place. Our minds were blown. We were scared. Who were these people?

But we were at least curious, so we found an open spot on Market Street. We might have just as well been on Mars; but we decided to stay right there. Feel the fear, power through. (Then we moved up to Mendocino, which is a story for another time.)

These days, I’d like to think I’m more accepting and affirming than on that bright June day. I’d like to believe the ongoing work that was begun there was just that. If so, much of the credit goes to the Queer folx who have tolerated my bigotries, fears, and stumbling down attempts to learn new language.

This Tuesday, November 20, is Transgender Day of Remembrance 2025. Begun in 1999, it’s an agonizing day. Vigils will be held across the world, marking the cruelty and violence inflicted upon our earthly siblings who identify as trans. Of course, the hate, fear, cruelty and violence continue to plague us. We’re less than one year into an administration hellbent on erasing hard won gains toward full personhood.

If you’re able to attend a TDOR vigil, let me encourage you to be there. If not, this can be a time to explore not only the day, but the heartbreak, violence and death it once again lays bare.